I suppose the desert implies stillness and solitude. That is anything but my life. I am not still and it is very noisy. I’m drowning sometimes in the noise-external and internal. On Sunday as I started my contemplation of praying, the desert, Master and temptation, I was struck by another theme but didn’t write about it – stillness.
Stillness is essential for prayer. But I don’t know what it is or how to get there. If I were having a conversation, I’m sure the other would say to me – meditate. I think stillness is something very different. How do I quiet the inner self? I get pulled in so many directions. There seems to be no time. But it isn’t about time. I am not sure it is about attitude but attitude is important. It is about entering into the inner. I’m afraid to enter in. I’m afraid I’ll get lost. I’m afraid something will be expected of me. I’m afraid I’ll be held responsible. I’m afraid that I won’t be held.
The Lord does hold us, sometimes very close. He is Love. We are His children. I am repelled and attracted all at the same time. I’m afraid of His Love. I am afraid.
I am not going to search for a prayer for that. The ones I have found speak to it. I am going to contemplate them by trying to be still and entering in. I am going to Love in return for once.
I’ll search for prayers tomorrow. My search is different tonight.