I went to a Jesuit college for undergraduate studies. I received a good education and in the almost thirty years since, I don’t regret my choice. I do resent that my Jesuit college even then wasn’t very Catholic and is less so now. I think a Catholic school should embody the faith. I longed for it then, I pray for it now. Many of them have lost their way. They believe in the same God but they’ve forgotten. God asked us not to sin and to repent, in addition to living with love and forgiveness. I hear and see only self-interest when I read my alumni magazine. That self-interest is about self-perpetuation, serving another master. One might assume that master is knowledge but it isn’t – it is called “financial aid”. My institution serves the government.
The contraception debate is only the line in the sand that got crossed. Catholic leadership has slowly and steadily been accommodating modern culture out of fear. The very people whom one would trust for handing on the faith have in the sixties language – sold out. There are many good and faithful individual Jesuits but when I think of the group, I cannot help but weep. They should remember the Lord’s admonition about leading people astray but they so think they are righteous, they have forgotten the Lord. And since in rereading this, I can hear my own anger and disgust, I am praying that the Lord helps heal my wound and helps me to forgive them. Frankly, I find it hard to do that so I guess I have more on my “to do” list.
My faith used to depend on their faith – and the faith of the nuns. I thought – wow if they can give up their lives, sacrifice themselves, be humbled than I can too. What a childish trust I had in them. Many nuns have “sold out” too. They don’t speak to my heart about God. Many speak to my brain about feminism – as if that has somehow replaced true faith. What do they believe? I am not sure I would find much faith in some if I listened to their answers. Of course, since I am beneath them or “don’t get it”, I am sure what I have to say would fall on deaf ears but I know my cry tonight won’t. I am praying to the Lord for them. I am praying with thanks that they did not ruin my faith – although they almost did. And, I am praying that they rediscover the Lord.
To do this I am praying the Novena of St. Francis Xavier which traditionally starts today. He is a Jesuit you can count on. You can find it here: http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/novenas/p00068.htm