I failed today. Stuff was going on at work in which anti-Christian prejudice was out in front. I was not the center of the attack. I hid – I did not own my belief. The person being verbally attacked handled herself well and effectively. If she hadn’t maybe I would have acted – I don’t know. The attacker clearly was ignorant of religion and faith. It wasn’t a well informed argument but it was also very ugly. This person is a nice person but is obviously disturbed by the current political campaigns. He is very pro-same sex marriage, Obama care etc. To call him liberal is an understatement. I’m issue oriented. Some things people would call me liberal on and on other issues, I’m very conservative. They don’t know how to take me and so I’m often spared the attack – an advantage, so to speak but not really.
I guess I feel like Peter tonight – I looked the other way, I denied by being silent. The other thing that has me thinking and praying is that I’m chicken in the current anti-Christian, anti-Catholic milieu in which I exist outside my family and church. I shut down at the anger and my own lack of knowledge like when the Inquisition is thrown around as an example of Church oppression. I hope when I get on my “high horse” I don’t sound or look as angry as he did. Instead of making any points, he sounded like a bully. I hope I don’t sound like that. I do hope though that when I am talking to others that I own my own belief and knowledge. It’s easy to emote, to talk, to write and not really pay attention to the tone, the words, etc. I think I’m a person of good will and people will be with me. Why should I think that? I need to think about that.
Lent is slowly winding down. I’m not sure I’ve made much progress. I’ve enhanced my prayer life which is good. But have I accomplished anything else? are these thoughts, experiences important? What have I really learned? How have I changed? Things to think about both spiritually but also practically. Have I been too much on my high horse in this blog? I write for myself but it is public. I write as if I have an audience whoever they are so I think I need to pray more about my message. I really don’t think I have a message to others but all communication sends a message, even a public journal.
I’m going to search for a prayer now. I’ll be back.
I found a new WeB page (new to me) with hundreds of prayers. In scanning through them several to St. Anthony of Padua spoke to me. I want to group them all together!! I chose this one. It isn’t completely dedicated to all the things I’m thinking and praying but it meets a need. I’m saying it for myself and changing it for the person I spoke about above.
Dear Saint Anthony, once again I greet you and thank you for your readiness to come to my aid in my necessity. Slowly, but surely, my disposition improves. You have helped me to understand that my real fault lay in pride, preoccupation with myself, and lack of real concern for others. Now that I see this more clearly, thanks be to God, I am not as bad as I was nor do I feel so hopeless. You used your tongue to give praise to God, to preach His message of salvation, and to call down the blessings of heaven on others. Please continue to help me so that I may use my tongue rightly, be kind and charitable in speaking to others, and cheer them rather than wound them. Because of your powerful intercession with God, I am confident that you will continue to assist me in my daily life. In the name of our Lord, Jesus, I ask your aid. Amen. V. Pray for us, Saint Anthony, R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ